How to Be Present with Your Kids
How to Be Present With Your Kids
Have you ever found yourself sharing the same space as your kids all day every day but finding that you really aren’t present with them? I have found this to be true too many times to count, so I decided to take the time to share with you a few tips I’ve learned on how to be present with your kids.
Be Present: An Admission of Absence
The first step in being present is admitting your absence.
This past spring was a busy season in my life, and though I was home with my kids, it was rare that I was actually “with” my kids. In May I wrote the following…
Be Present: Change Your Behavior
Seeing that my children needed more of my attention, I needed to make a change in my behavior before I could expect a change in their behavior. If I was unwilling to change my own behavior, I could hardly expect their behavior to improve.
I needed to set a new “schedule” for myself, being intentional about having time set aside to spend with my kids. The change of seasons was the perfect time for me to be able to easily transition from a season of busyness to a season of intentional togetherness.
As summer approached, I worked to streamline my work to spend less time in my office and more time outside with my kids. I created a summer bucket list of activities and outings in order to be intentional about spending time together.
Be Present: Learn from Your Mistakes
I wish I could say that life miraculously got better overnight – that the disobedience issue was solved and we lived happily ever after… but we all know that doesn’t happen in real life.
In reality, we had our high moments, but we also had plenty of lows.
I relapsed into my lazy mode and tried to let my kids parent themselves. Behavior issues {mine and theirs} reared their ugly heads, and we had to start the process over again. I had to admit my absence and change my behavior and learn from my mistakes.
Be Present: It’s a Constant Decision
I think it’s a continual process really – I’m not sure we will ever fully get there, but I’m not sure we’re supposed to.
Be present is a constant decision. I can choose to be present in this moment, but forget and lapse into self-focused mode the next. If I’m going to be present in my kids’ lives, I must be continually choosing to be intentional about being fully with them.
Be Present: Advice from Other Moms
I asked a few of my friends to share their advice about being present with their kids…
Stef Layton: “Jump into their world. Put down the things that steal our time and fun! See your kids and their interest from their level and love it too.”
Colleen Kessler: “Unplug, get on their level, keep eye contact, be silly, and enjoy them.”
Jezamama: “Don’t be so busy being mom that you forget to play, laugh, dance, jump, hike, cuddle, and chill.”
Erin @ Home with the Boys: “When your kiddos ask you to do something with them, say yes more than you say no!”
Jacque Watkins: “Get at their level, ask what they think, and smother them with kisses and hugs until they cry “uncle”! They call me the crazy-kissing mommy!”
Aurie Good: “When your kids ask you to dance, dance. No matter if you are in a playground, the supermarket, the back yard or the living room. It’s totally worth it!”
In what ways have you been present with your kids this week?
See where I’m linked up…
This has been something God has been working with me on. Great tips. I’m going to share this on my blog on Friday this week!
Thank you, Lindsey!
I can definitely relate to this one! One Scripture that always gets me is Proverbs 29:15 (b) “But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” Ouch! (Well, it only hurts when I’m not “present” in various ways). I find just sitting on the floor with them for a while and playing with them, reading whatever books they bring to me, letting them climb on me, etc, does so much to help us reconnect.
Thanks for the tips!
I’m sure I’ve read that passage before, but it’s never stood out to me. Thanks for the encouragement and reminder from the Word of God, Becky!
I think it’s also VERY important to remember that we not called to be Idle, but work hard. Parenting is hard work, not just play time. Being present with our children is also teaching them to work. Letting our work take longer so that they can learn how. And you can’t take B of that verse with out remembering A Proverbs 29:15a “The rod and reproof give wisdom,” The WHOLE verse is saying to correct and teach our children how they should behave. To do that we need to be alert and “present” with them. That does not always mean to stop our work to play with them. I think we need to include them in our work.
I wholeheartedly agree with you, Heather! It’s important for my kids to not only SEE me working but at times JOIN me. We are big into “family work time” where we expect the kids to contribute without expectation of compensation. Spending time working shoulder to shoulder is a great way to spend time with your kids!
Great topic! I’ve been working on this one as well. To a child, “love” is spelled T-I-M-E. I love my children SO MUCH!!!!!!! And although I cannot spend all day playing with them, I CAN take some time every day to show them how much I love them by doing something they want to do whether it’s chasing each other, playing a game, or having a tea party.
I struggle with the T-I-M-E aspect of loving my kids, so it’s something I have to be incredibly intentional about. Thanks for the encouragement!
Thanks for the great tips, by the way!
I love this! I am a work at home mom and my work pulls me away from my kiddo a bit to much sometimes. I think we all suffer from this “mommy guilt” and I’m glad you addressed it. We only have them for a short time before they are off on their own (tear). I am so ready to be WITH my child more! :)
My kids are growing up so fast – if I’m not careful, I’ll blink and miss it! As we embark on yet another chaotic time in our lives this fall, I needed this reminder to be intentional about being WITH my kids!
Just saw this post on Pinterest and had to read it because I just wrote on something very similar (how to enjoy your kids). It’s so easy to get caught up in our own day-to-day and yet so important for us to make that conscious decision to interact with our kids :)
Here is the post if you would like to read it: http://aimedattheheart.com/2013/11/04/tips-for-how-to-enjoy-your-children-more/
Thanks so much for sharing your post with me, Tessa! I love that you shared practical ways to enjoy your children more. :)
This is something that God has been convicting my heart of the past month or so. I’m working on being not just present but engaged with my children more. Thank you for this post. It was an encouragement.
Thank you, Jennifer, for taking the time to leave a comment about how God is working in your life. I’m so thankful I was able to be an encouragement to you today!